Addresses gone. Full score. Spitz gig. Bopping and Praying.

Last week I had a crash on my computer and lost a number of my Loft mailing list addresses. Silly me - didn't back up regularly enough. If you have been added to the list in the last six months or so, the chances are you may no longer be on my data base for Loft events. If you happen to read this and it applies to you just drop me a line and I'll get you put back on!
So - that's that out the way - I had to set up a new user account to get round the corruption that had occurred on my old user account. Quite a time waster and it's all my fault for not backing up enough!
Apart from that I handed Alex the first draft of the full score on friday lunchtime! I went over to have lunch with him at the Guildhall where he is conducting at the moment. I was at a loss as to what to say - my conversation suddenly all dried up... it was like I wasn't just handing him my music I was handing him my thoughts too - all of them wrapped up in that pile of paper - my mind went completely blank. I apologised for my lack of social skills saying I had a completely one track mind at the moment, and I was the most boring person on the planet to have lunch with! He was terribly civil and wondered how Wagner felt when he first saw the score of Tristan... a thrilling moment he pondered. And yes it is in some ways. At the moment the full score still remains in A4 format as we are proof reading but I printed one page of A3 as a test and it looks amazing in A3 - so big and real and solid!!
This week I am performing at the Spitz (friday night) and while my head and heart are still with the opera - to get it finished - I had to drag myself away from that work to finalise and prepare for my set of solo singing. It was quite a wrench not to be working on the score - even though I often resent the hours I am having to spend on it. Moving into the world of performance again is confronting for me in some ways - especially as I am thinking of doing some quite radical material. It feels quite high risk - and maybe people won't get me at all! Then what? I videoed my self doing my really left field piece Wild Geese this afternoon. Boy, was that informative. And now I've got 4 days to get it feeling right. At the moment it feels too turbulent. It's like I need to stay much stiller in order for the inner turbulence and drama of the music to speak. At the moment I am too carried away by the drama and my relationship with the music is getting in the way of the music itself.
This is quite a thing to admit and demands a radical rethink of my relationship with the piece.
Ventured to a Hoxton night club last thursday with a friend, and we were both chuffed we decided to go. It was surprisingly mild in terms of the vibe - even though the music was quite heavy rap, drum and bass, the people were light hearted, easy going and unthreatening. I thoroughly enjoyed dancing in my 80's kind of way. Punting on the river Cam this weekend was also a first for me! Later to Even Song and totally transported by the countrapuntal four part writing. Fresh harmonies and unexpected textures and ryhthms sent me straight to a depth contemplation on music and the heart and how it reveals and refreshes the inner being. Even though I have concerns about the Christian doctrine - what was evident here was the authenticity of the musical vibrations and how that was completely free from dogma - and as a purely musical consideration held it's own spirituality beyond notions such as sin and salvation that trouble me. I wish I had found out who the composer was!